Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Knife (Repeat)

I hate these kind of mornings
after one of those kind of nights
where you wake up
and your face is kinda swollen and puffy
from tears that have streamed down your cheeks
for hours and hours
the night before.

Where you feel so tired from fighting all night long
so that you've finally given in
because last night you tired all of your emotions
so this morning,
you feel nothing.
You're completely numb.

And I look in the mirror
and I think-
How could someone who loves me so much
Ever be able to hurt me so badly?

I ask myself this every day.
I don't think it was possible for you to hurt me
in one more way
last night.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Hero [Song]

Hey everyone!
I know I haven't posted in a while (and you know it's bad when every post starts like this one), but I did write a song while I've been gone in Florida and dealing with power outages and other crazy stuff.

For other news, I've started writing a book! It's not so much of a book, though, as a continuous story.  I'm going to try to add a new chapter every week. The link is: theadventuresofzoeysparks.blogspot.com
Here goes!

When we first met I couldn't control my tongue for the life of me
And from that day on until I left
I swore that I would change

I never could've predicted that
you would save my life
But you became my hero
And I never checked twice

And I don't care, because I don't love you anymore
But I will always remember the way you taught me to live
I could never forget how this was real.

Years have past but now we get along better than before
Conversation was never my easiest part
but you gave me a lot to work with

You left an imprint on my brain
Of midnight swims and drinking games 
But this will have to end because
I won't see you again

And I don't care, because I don't love you anymore
But I will always remember the way you taught me to live
I could never forget how this was real.

And maybe I could never have learned this on my own
How everything can be real
when seen in a different light

And I don't care, because I don't love you anymore
But I will always remember the way you taught me to live
I could never forget how this was real.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Circle (Repeat)

I don't really know why I'm thinking about this
a week after it happened
but I am.

I want you to know that when they asked us
who we thought was fearless
I didn't say your name
and for some reason this bothers me now.

I know you'll never see this,
but I'll say it just in case you'll know some how.

I wish you knew that I think you are fearless
even when everyone else thinks of somebody else,
but I think of you
because you're like me,
but only a lot better in every way.

I just wish now that I had spoken up
when I had the chance.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


I wish I could put into words
how much I love things that are real.

The way the birch trees bend in the autumn breeze,
the way the fog rolls in over the lake,
the way the grey sky reflects on the water
enveloping me.

But yet it is soft,
and is the most comfortable blanket I own,

No harsh touch could ever upset the calm nature of these surroundings,
that I long to be a part of.
The tender melting of the sky into the water
and the stark contrast of the trees with the grey
is an image impossible to be captured.

I fall for people
who remind me of these images.
Who has a deep, grey side,
but also a soft, romantic side as well.

These are the people who make me realize
who I want to be
and why I have to change.

Although nothing could ever be as remarkable as the constellation-filled sky,
you come pretty close.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Medusa (Repeat)

I've just spent 2 hours looking at the photos of us
and trying to figure out why my face looks so weird
and why my bra is showing through my shirt in every picture.
I'll blame it on the flash.

I really want to know why he's not here right now,
and why she can't keep the little things to herself,
and wait for something big to happen
to go crying to her mom, who is the only person there for her.
But I don't want to be sucked into her stupid fake drama.

I wonder what she thinks when she looks at me.
If she regrets what she's done.
Or if she would do it again in a heartbeat.
Maybe she judges my face to figure out
if I know.
If I'm upset.
If she's done enough damage yet.
Or maybe she doesn't care about me at all.

But I don't look into her eyes,
because Medusa would turn me into stone.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Hey everyone! I think I'm going to start doing some video posts! I'm super excited :)

And I should start doing some meaningful posts too...I've kind of been lacking in that department recently :/

Oh well! I'll get on that ASAP.


Monday, October 10, 2011

Twitter Weekend

Hope everyone is having a fun Columbus Day!
I got the day off so I'm content.

Also, does anyone have a twitter?  If so, follow me! @hannahemgee


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


It finally feels like fall.

Not California fall,
but New England fall.
Green-leaves-turning-colours fall.

It's my favorite season of the year.
Autumn has a particular wholesome smell
that accompanies the crinkle of dry leaves,
and the whispers of wind in the bare trees.

It almost-just almost-
makes me feel like I'm home.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Scoreboard. (Repeat)

I see you.
You, sitting there, right and 5 feet away.
Don't think I can't hear you.
Because every time you ignore me to my face and speak those hurting words that say
I hate you
I soak in a little more pain, 
Your spoken fragments crush my sense of judgement,
And my confidence slowly withers away
Until I am left as 
the laughing stock,
the screwball,
the freak.
Don't even try to lie.
Don't even say "it was a mistake and I couldn't think around you".
I know you better than you think.

Yes, I know I lost.
You don't have to make it worse.


Today was beautiful.

The way the trees were illuminated by the orange glow of the sun,
the way the pavement clung to the curves of the earth,
the way the brick houses reached towards the sky,
knowing that there was nothing above them for hundreds or thousands
of miles.

The way the sun slipped under the earth,
the way the moon crept into the sky,
the way the light faded to dark,
signaling the flight
of the night creatures.

Tomorrow is my birthday
and I wish that every day moving forward
will be more beautiful than the last.

Sunday, September 18, 2011


I am so so so so so so sorry that I've been gone so long!
My computer basically blew up
(no it didn't actually...it just stopped connecting to the internet)
and it took me a couple weeks to get a new one...
so here I am!

I'm taking the next week off the look at colleges...
I wonder where I'll end up next year?

Ttyl! :)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Have you ever suddenly realized that someone you knew your whole life
was actually someone else?
And that when this person,
whoever they may be,
turns out to be your other half,
did you ever let them go?

Because I did.
But I had no other choice.

I love you.

Monday, August 8, 2011


Is it normal to have dreams about hooking up with other people when you have a boyfriend?
Because every night for the past week I've been dreaming of hooking up with super hot guys in my life.
I read online that these dreams don't mean that you're not faithful,
but that they point to something you wish you had in your relationship.
But the only thing these guys have in common is that they're super attractive.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Lou Dog [Repeat]

If anyone was watching,
they would've seen her running through the field
with scratches and bug bites all cut up on her legs
and they would've seen her wearing
a Ralph Lauren hot pink swim suit with ruffles
and Havianas flip flops just like the beach.

They would've seen her race into the woods
as fast as her legs could work
and they would've seen her run straight into the log
and the 2 parallel lines of blood
slipping down her right leg.

They would've seen her kick off the muddy shoes
and tip toe over the slimy rocks
into the shallow water
and they would've seen her belly flop straight into the current
and come up gasping for air
as the cold drug seeped into her skin.

They would've seen her leap onto shore,
blood freshly dripping onto her feet
and quickly run back through the woods
wishing that she wasn't so far into reality.

If anyone had been watching,
they would've seen her and smiled.
They might've laughed.

And he did.
Watching from behind the pine tree,
Knowing she was a klutz
and silently laughing when she cut her leg,
and praying she'd come back after the entered the forest.

Because he,
with his scrawny little white body
and crazy in awe back muscles,
has known her since she was a baby.

And she doesn't even know.


I sat there next to him,
innocently and helplessly flirting with him
not ever trying to achieve anything.
He was just a cute toy,
and nothing would ever come out of this.

Until he leaned in
and kissed me.
It did not shock me,
so I kissed him back
and I have never felt anything better.
Every time our lips touched
sparks flew and my whole body felt alive.

It was so wrong,
with him being so forbidden.
But it was so perfect.

I wish something this daring and thrilling
could happen with my real boyfriend.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Lost in the World

I feel out of touch.
No one can even reach me,

Whenever I try to escape the truth,
I see how happy everyone else is.

I guess they are better off
without me.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Busy Bee

Oh.  My.  Goodness!
I am so sorry I've been gone for so long!  I'd like to say that I was traveling or something, but really I've just been busy with work and water polo.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Pudding

Last Thursday my sister and I were bored and decided to do some baking.  I made chocolate chip cookies and she made pudding, because my face still hurt from getting my wisdom teeth out.  Both were delicious! Here are some pictures:

And all the dishes we had to clean up!

Thursday, June 16, 2011


I figured that getting my wisdom teeth out would mean sitting in bed and blogging all day while drinking Jamba Juice.  Well, I was wrong.
Instead, it meant:
Lying on the couch all day watching TV because I hurt too much to move
Not eating for 22 hours the first day
Not being able to swallow the pain medication because my lips and tongue were numb from anesthesia
Puking everything I ate the second day because the penicillin made me sick
Cheeks swelling up to twice their normal size
aaaaand a lot more

So long story short, I didn't get around to blogging til now.  And, not surprisingly, I don't have much to talk about, considering I have been sort of lifeless the past couple days.  So what's up with you guys?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Tunnel [Repeat]

Every month, I'm going to post one of my favourite posts from this same month, a year ago, and it'll have [repeat] next to the name so you'll know it's a repeat post.

Sometimes people have intentions
and expectations
and believe they know what they are doing
and think they know what will happen.

You can be so sure of something,
so focused,
but even then you can be thrown off path.

Nothing can change destiny,
no matter how hard you plead.
Things happen for a reason,
whether to learn something,
to prove something,
to gain something,
or to lose something,
so make the best of what life throws at you.

I did.
And if I didn't,
I would not be here now.
I wouldn't be sitting in this measly motel room typing on a laptop
waiting for the 16U game to start.
I would be in the 18U game.
Possibly a starter.
That is what I've always wanted, right?
To be the best I can be?
But sometimes life throws a curveball at you
and I had to change.
I realized that I couldn't go on like this
progressing at such a slow rate.

I tried my best but in the end,
I lost my head
but I gained my heart back.
another who can complete me
and won't leave me crying soft tears into my pillow at night.
One who wants the best for me,
honestly and truly.
It's not a joke.
Because he is doing everything he can for me.

And maybe at the end of the day,
when my best is not good enough for the team,
it's good enough for him.
And maybe this is what everything has been leading up to.

The future knows that it's better for me to be happy
than for me to be the best.
It knows that I can't take the pressure,
and still come through healthy in the end.

I've never felt this way before.
It's like every other post where I've written my feelings
was only minor compared to the way I feel now.
Because normally,
I head into the darkness blindly,
and stumble
and fall
but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And that's where I meet you.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Trains and Brains

I got a new header title thing! I think it looks cool :) also, I had to delete some of my other blogs because while I had time for them, I realize I did not quite have that much to say...but I kept my music one! I'll probably post my fav recipes and outfits here instead.

On another note, does anyone what the +1 button is at the bottom of my posts? cause it just decided to pop up the other day and I was curious about it. Yep.

I feel so horrible right now, mostly because I have a headache that feels like a train is going through my head.  I just started morning practices this week for water polo, and they're killing me.  I have 1.5 hours in the morning and 3 in the evening so I go to bed at 10 and wake up at 5 :( not fun.  At least I'll get better...hopefully...

Friday, June 3, 2011

Top 5 Hotties

(in no particular order)

1. Alex Pettyfer
I don't really need to describe this one, I think it speaks for itself.  Ever since Stormbreaker, he's been my man.

2.  Wolverine
Like, not Hugh Jackman.  Wolverine.  Okay I swear this isn't weird, but I can explain.  Hugh Jackman is like 43 or something, so he's like my parents age.  Wolverine, on the other hand, is not that old and just has this attractive look to him.  Everyone I've talked to thinks he looks weird with his hair and claws and all that, but whatever, I think it's hot.  And rugged.  Which is hot.

3.  Logan Lerman
I like how even though he's one of those typical teenage heartthrob-type material boys, he's not super popular like Taylor Lautner.  He's on the quieter, less crazy side of famous life.  And he's super cute. 

4.  Reeve Carney
Okay so I was watching American Idol Season 10 finale and this spiderman act came on from the broadway musical and I was like "Oh great. This is gonna be weird".  But it was super cool!! Bono was singing and wrote the music for the whole musical I think and this guy Reeve Carney sings the chorus and was super attractive! And his voice is like heaven.  So here's the American Idol performance (you can buy the song on iTunes, "Rise Above 1") and the album cover for the single.

5.  James Marsden
So if you couldn't tell by now, I have this very recent obsession with X-Men.  I know, it's pretty late, but I just watched the first 3 movies on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night and I'm dying cause I need to watch Wolverine: Origins.  But anyways...I was so caught up with Wolverine that I didn't even notice Cyclops (it doesn't help that he wears glasses and his face is hidden) but when he took off his glasses in the third movie, it clicked and I was just like, wow.  Plus I realized then that he was in Enchanted! And that's why he looked so familiar.  Yeah. He's hot.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Independence Day [Song]

I know I haven't written a song in a while,
but I was pretty happy up until about a week ago,
leading to some decent songwriting material.
I hate looking at my lyrics after I've written them
cause they seem so dumb
when they're not put to music 
so don't judge too harshly please!!!

What would you do
If you were in my shoes
Choosing between me
And your freedom?

Is this what it feels like
To be someone’s one and only?
Because right now
I don’t feel too great

How can I say goodbye
To the one I can barely live without?
Swore I’d never do this to you
But now I’ve become this way

I used to spend all day
Dreaming of ways that I could talk to you
You were so much better then
With your sea-green eyes and your grin

Is this supposed to be
The way it feels forever?
Because we’re headed down
A different path

How can I say goodbye
To the one I can barely live without?
Swore I’d never do this to you
But now I’ve become this way

Turning back
Was never harder
Than when I’m looking at
My face in the future

I can’t help it
If I can’t be tied down
You should’ve known by know

How can I say goodbye
To the one I can barely live without?
Swore I’d never do this to you
But now I’ve become this way
Just in time for independence day

Do you like easy fashion that can be worn in real life and not just the runway? 
Do you like buying cute clothes without starving your piggy bank?
Then you might like my other blog:
all that glitters

Do you wish you could expand your music library but don't know any other music?
Do you like watching music videos?
Then you might like my other blog:

And lastly...
Do you like cooking?
But more importantly....
Do you like sugar and desserts?
Do you want to bake but you're not sure what to make?
Then you might like my other blog:
Sugar Gliders

Thursday, May 26, 2011


How do you know when to stop
and when to keep going?

I've been thinking about breaking up for a few weeks now,
but every time you do something sweet and I realize I can't.
You're too nice to me when I don't deserve it,
you are always there to talk to me,
and you love me more than words can describe.

But then there are the things that aren't right.
You don't listen to me when I'm trying to fix things,
you can't bear to be separated,
and I'm just not happy in this relationship always.

There's a part of me that really loves you,
because you're a great guy,
and I could never leave you so heartbroken and lonely.

But there's also a part of me that misses being single
and free
and being able to do whatever I want to do
and not have to worry about spending all my free time with you.

I've tried to tell you that I need a little more space,
but you just don't get it.
I'm starting to wonder if that's a sign.

On a lighter note...please visit and follow!!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

By The Way...

On another note,
I've created three more blogs today,
one for baking desserts,
Sugar Gliders
one for fashion,
All That Glitters,
and one for music,

I've already done a bit of posting,
and it would mean a lot to me if I could get some followers there
for a lil support :)

Thank you!


Hey everyone! Sorry for the long break, I've just had writer's block/my life isn't very interesting right now.

I went to buy Katy Perry tickets for her show in LA on August 7 and THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT :(
which is not such a big surprise because they have been on sale for like...4 months now...

This is my last week of school!
It went by so fast and I can't believe I'm almost a senior :O

On a separate note,
I want to do a spring cleaning (I know it's a little late...)
but I think I'm going to go through all my clothes and take everything I have not worn in a year or so
or anything I do not like or does not fit me,
and I'm going to give it to the good will!
(After my little sister gets first dibs)
So I'll be cleaning my clutter while helping those in need.

You and I ~ Lady Gaga

Monday, May 9, 2011


Hey everyone! So after seeing Furree Katt's post about her carbon neutral blog, I decided to do it too!
It's really simple and only takes a few minutes, so if you're looking to make a difference in the world, try this!
carbon neutral local offers with kaufDA.de

Just go to this website:
and follow the steps there.
Hope you try it out! :)

Friday, May 6, 2011


I'm so excited for prom! It's a week from tomorrow,
and it's going to be so perfect!
I have a date,
a dress,
a clutch,
and I can't wait!

This isn't the first time I've been to prom,
but this time is going to be so special because I'm going with my boyfriend.

So I'm going to post some pictures of my outfit later, after the night of prom.

So what's new in your lives?
Enough about me,
I know enough about my life already :P
So please, how are you doing? I hope all is well :)

Super Bass

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Let Go

The more successful revenge is achieved by being the best that you can be.

spreading rumors,
and gossiping,
only hurt you in return.

But by showing them how much better you are,
you not only make them feel inferior,
but rise to the top as well.

This is why I am the better person.
Not him.

People always say,
"keep you friends close,
and your enemies closer"
but why stay close to the people that make you feel bad?
Stay with the people who make you happy,
and truly great about yourself.
Not the people who bring you down.

Effort can take you anywhere.


Monday, April 25, 2011

In the Meantime...

I think I'm waiting to write a good post until some stroke of genius strikes me
because I kind of have really bad writer's block.
So I'm gonna post some of my favorite quotes from songs.
Not all of them are really deep, they just sound good in the song.

"I don't think you realize what you mean to me, not the slightest clue. Cause me and you were like a crew, I was like your sidekick" - Eminem (I Need a Doctor)

"Throw dirt on me, and grow a wildflower" - Lil Wayne (No Love)

"You showed me nothing but hate, you ran me into the ground.  But what goes around comes around" - Eminem (No Love)

"I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain" - Katy Perry (Circle the Drain)

"In another life, I would be your girl. We keep all our promises, be us against the world" - Katy Perry (The One That Got Away)

"Everybody dies but not everybody lives" - Drake (Moment 4 Life)

"You lil brag-a-lot I'll beat you with a pad-a-lock" - Nicki Minaj (Roman's Revenge)

"Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em hey" - Ne-Yo (Give Me Everything)

"Now I don't really care what you call me, just as long as you don't call me cold" - Eminem (That's All She Wrote)

So I actually have a lot more, so I might post a Part II sometime.

Saturday, April 23, 2011


So my friend Ash has tagged me in this little questionnaire, so here goes!

What did you do ten years ago?
Well I would be six, so that means I was in first grade at the American British Academy in Oman.  Pretty cool, eh?

What did you do one year ago?
Hmm...well I would've just been recovering from my concussion and trying to catch up on all the schoolwork I missed while I was out for a month of school :(

Five snacks that you like?
Edamame, cheesy rice puffs, goldfish, gummies, popcorn

Five songs which you know the whole lyrics to?
Waaay too many, but:

Love The Way You Lie - Rihanna and Eminem
Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
Not Like The Movies - Katy Perry
Give Me Everything - Pitbull

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire?
Donate to an animal shelter, donate to my sisters college fund, give some to my parents for retirement, put some in the bank, and then SHOPPING SPREE

Five bad habits?
Saying "sorry", giggling at everything during spanish class, breathing out of the wall (swimming lingo), procrastinating, and not getting high out of the water (water polo)

Five things you like to do?
Listen to music! Facebook stalk (jk?), shop, cuddle with my dog, Buddy, and play water polo

Five things you would never dress in or buy?
When girls wear leggings with like a short shirt and their whole booty is sticking out for the world, it's like, put on some pants!!! and one of those "I love my boyfriend shirts!" and a wig, and strapless top to school, and and thong to the beach

Five favourite toys?
don't have any?

Five people you'd like to see take this quiz?

(trying to pick people who haven't already been chosen...) 
Sunny & Star, erica marie, Lonneke, Cassandra, and Kay

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


There's a point you hit,
that revolves in complete peace,
every aspect of a content mind,
perpetually at ease.

This is where I reside today.
I feel every change in the weather
as if these nuances are differences in my emotions.

I feel every touch as if it is lightning,
shocking my body out of reality,
into a sort of dream state
where everything is at peace.

I'll Be

Friday, April 15, 2011


Age: 16 :(
Bed size: Queen
Chore you hate: cleaning the pool
Dogs: Buddy! (black lab)
Essential start of your day: Facebook :P 
Favorite color:  Purple, indigo, and turquoise
Gold or silver:  Silver
Height: 5'6"
Instruments I play (or have played): Clarinet, Guitar and I've attempted piano 
Job title: Intern in a microbiology lab
Kids: After marriage :)
Live: Los Angeles
Mom's name: Donna
Nickname: Grotz
Overnight hospital stays: Never
Pet peeve:  Lack of hygiene
Quote from a movie: "Long live the king" - Lion King
Right or left handed: Right
Siblings: Little sister Heather <3
Time you wake up: 7:00
Underwear: yes
Vegetables you dislike: Squash!! I hate squash!
What makes you run late: My sister haha always makes us late
X-rays you've had done:  Knee, small intestine
Yummy food you make: Grilled cheese!
Zoo animal: Any big cat

No Hands

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Empty Echo

My ex best guy friend is in love with my best girl friend
and he is the most unhygienic, idiotic, selfish, immature boy
I have ever met in my whole life.
I'd stake my life on that statement.

From claiming he can never hold a relationship,
to flirting with everyone he looks at,
from lying to a person's face
to talking behind their back
from blowing his nose in the same tissue he uses to pick his bloody pimples
to drawing unnecessary attention to himself,
I have had it with all of his ridiculous antics
and vain attempts to become popular.
I see through it all.

You mask your insecurities by giving people what they what
and then manipulating them in return.

But it's too late.
I see through your thick facade
that blinds everyone.
That used to blind me.

But I'm so over you
and everything you do.

I built this monster out of you.
You used to be weak and insecure and lonely
until I came along and strengthened your confidence in yourself
and created someone who had never been more sure of himself.
You are perpetually in this state of assurance
and I'm still working on finding a way to shatter it.
If only you knew that I know the truth behind your illusion.

I know your act better than I know myself
at times
and that's the one thing I can rely on.

I know your foibles
and I know your flaws

So take that, Daniel,
and see how far your capers take you.
Maybe not now,
but in ten years
we will see who won.

And I bet everything I own that you will fall, Daniel.
Long live the king.


Monday, April 11, 2011


I hate that feeling when you know what you have to do,
and you are just started to grasp the amount of pain you're going to have to go through
in order to reach the finish line.

It's the feeling you get when you realize you're going to pull an all-nighter.
It's the feeling you get when you discover that your 10 page paper is due the next day
It' the feeling you get when you see that you give your 30 minute speech before you go to prom.

It seems as if you can't ever have something good,
without suffering through something else first.

And sometimes,
it's your own fault.

You didn't do you work on time,
you procrastinated until midnight,
or you thought you could cram the night before.

But sometimes,
life decides to dump all this shit on you
and you can't see it,
but suddenly it hits you,
and you think
A very soft, inaudible, "oh."
And you're going to cry.
You know it.
You can't avoid it.
And you do.

I had no clue how tough junior year was going to be,
but now I know.
I understand.
Juggling AP Calculus and AP Biology and AP English
while trying to spend my spare time studying for the ACT and SAT II
and trying to squeeze in 2 hour swim practices and 3 hour water polo practices
is going to take more than a miracle to pull off.

But I'm going to try.

If you can't applaud me for the being the best for everyone else,
applaud me for being the best I can be for myself.

Give Me Everything

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Kitty Purry Round 2

So I haven't made a post about my Katy Perry obsession in a while,
so now I'm gonna make a post devoted to quotes she has said
that I love because I can relate,
or just because I like them.

"Sometimes love is a roller-coaster ride because one person is more obsessed than the other.  And it's hard to meet in the middle."

"I think it's sexier not to give it all away in one night."

"I really do believe that girls should go with their gut, and if there's any sort of yellow light, then check that yellow light.  It should always be green."

"Sometimes girls will be okay with someone and we'll think, This is what I deserve.  This is the best I can get.  And there's kind of this little scratch inside that's like, I don't think so.  You have to listen to that scratch.  You have to really know, beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"Look at the bigger picture and don't ever invest all of your emotions in a guy - you have to save some for yourself."

"I've also sent songs to people when I didn't have the guts to say something.  I would just make a mix and hope that they would fall madly in love with me."

"I don't really feel pretty ever, without makeup.  I feel ugly...He looks beyond all of that, which is such a win, because I've never felt that with anybody.  He's in love with the person on the inside of me, and the outside of me is just a bonus."

Thinking of You

Saturday, April 2, 2011


Last night he told me he loves me.
After almost two weeks of being together.

I can't tell if this is moving too fast,
but it felt okay until he said he loves me,
and I realized that I had to say it back.

For some reason it made me sad,
like I didn't want to get too involved
because I know he has to leave for college.

I just find it weird that I've always been the kind of person
that prefers commitment over a hookup,
but now I'm not so sure.

Blue Eyes

Sunday, March 27, 2011


The last time I had a boyfriend was a while ago,
and I was 14 and he took me too far,
way too fast.
I met him,
and 2 weeks later he kept trying to get me alone so we could make out,
and I hated it.
I hated this so much.
And at the time I was confused because I thought I liked him,
I mean he was very attractive,
so how could I not like him?
But eventually I broke up with him because he kept moving too fast.
I told myself it was because I was just immature,
and he was too old for me.

Boy, was I wrong.
It wasn't me that was wrong with that relationship,
it was him.
I realize now that I could not be myself with him,
I could not be open with him,
I felt like I had to be perfect to be with him,
and I felt like I could not say what I needed to say with him.
I felt completely closed and lost,
and it wasn't because I was immature.
It was because I just didn't like him.

And now I feel bad for leading him on for those three months,
but at the same time I don't because it took me two years to figure it out.

Just Can't Get Enough

Sunday, March 13, 2011


It took tonight to realize how much I've grown.

It used to be that every time he kissed me,
I shrunk away in fear.
It used to be that every time he put his arm around my waist,
I had no idea what to do.
It used to be that every time he talked,
I just nodded and went along with everything.

But now it's so different.
Who cares if some people don't like who I am,
because he likes me no matter what I do.
Who cares if I laugh my head off,
grab his head
and pull him closer.
Who cares if people are watching
and we act like we're crazy for each other.

Because that's the only way.
That's the only way to be happy.
And right now,
this is as good as it gets.


Thursday, March 10, 2011


If there's anything I've learned this week,
it's that you should never close the door to new experiences.

I used to think there was some certain way
I had to act
in order for a guy to like me.

I used to think there was some sort of "type"
and that every guy I could date
would have to fit into those requirements.

I used to think that in order to be great at something,
you had to be doing it
since you were a toddler.

But this week,
I opened my eyes.
I learned that if you try hard,
you can actually get anything you've ever wanted.

But if you open your eyes,
you realize how much you have been missing
that has always been right in front of you.
And that, in itself, is the most beautiful wonder of the world.

Green Eyes