Sunday, January 30, 2011


There's something about the way we kissed,
that makes me want to try it again,
maybe just for old time's sake.

There's something about the way you look at me,
and I've just got to know what you're thinking,
maybe just cause I'm a curious person.

There's something about the way you touch me,
that sends butterflies jumping around my tummy,
maybe just cause I can't tell right from wrong.

But when I'm with you,
everything seems right.
But nobody knows.

Time After Time

Thursday, January 27, 2011


There's something funny about people
and the actions they choose to make,
the tones their voices speak in,
the strange habits they take to.

Some people drive me insane.

I hate the way she speaks to me
and how degrading her voice sounds.
Does she really think she's that much better than me?
But I know what everyone says about her behind her back.
"What kind of a guy would ever want to date her?"

I hate the way everyone falls in love with her
and she knows it and plays with them.
They really think they have a chance, don't they?
But I know what everyone says about her behind her back.
"Why are you so insecure that you play games with their hearts?"

I hate the way she laughs so loud
and talks so loud like everything she says is important.
Why do you create fake drama out of thin air?
But I know what everyone says about her behind her back.
"Only desperate people care that much about drama".

There are some serious problems with the way we all view the world today.
Whether you're the person talking behind others' backs,
or the girl who's too insecure, desperate, or selfish and makes others suffer because of it,
and maybe it is your fault that people call you these names.
Maybe there's a fine balance in life, and one group or the other is always tipping it.
But I think that everyone needs to pull through and put their work in
so we can all relax and stop being so uptight about everyone around them.
I'm doing my part but trying to stop being so judgmental,
and it would help if the people that acted so bitchy could please stop.
Be better today.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Okay, I won't lie.
I admit that I can be a bitch sometimes.
But everyone is at times,
and the main difference is that I don't do it on purpose.
I do it when my emotions run high and I lose control.
I'm a monster.

I lash out without thinking
and do crazy things out of desperation.
Time is not my friend.


Monday, January 24, 2011


Ugh! What a crappy day.
I hate getting back midterms,
especially when your average is a 80%.

My back is really sore
from practicing "snapping" at set
at my private water polo lesson yesterday
which was very helpful.

I can't believe that a little over a month ago,
(1 month 12 days to be exact)
everything was going my way.

Too bad the curtain fell just a little too late.

Lost In The World

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Dreams are positively the weirdest things ever.

Last night, a girl said "Fuck You!" to me and I laughed in her face.
Last night, I was 11 years old and sold into child trafficking.
Last night, I escaped through a hole in a fence and cried in a bookstore on the run.
Last night, I saw him again and he was hitting on me,
but I was okay with it,
and I started to like him again.

Oh screw it,
I can let myself think about him from time to time,
but I will never go anywhere with him.

Also, I need to find someone to ask to my dance in February.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I'll forget you for a short time,
until I think,
maybe he's just too nervous
and wants me to make a move.
So I'll think of something clever to say,
open my phone,
and suddenly I'll feel sick.
Really nauseous.
"He stopped talking to you for a reason, Hannah"
"You can do so much better. You deserve someone better"
But I miss having someone like him to talk to
and make me happy.
Who knows when I'll find someone like you again.



     So this fall, the weirdest thing ever happened to me. Me and my best friend (we'll call her T) were hanging out and her mom had to go to the library so we were like okay we'll come in too.  So we walk in, and we head to the "teen" section.  It's this tiny room with a closed door and another door that leads to a secluded, empty patio.  There are 2 small green couches facing each other, so T and I sit down together on one of them.  We're super bored, so we start flipping through a magazine.  We're all alone, so we're laughing and talking and joking around.  
     The door opens and a tall black guy walks in.   He's wearing dark baggy jeans with a red design on the pocket and a plain white shirt.  He walks straight through to the patio, and is talking on a cell phone.  He hangs up, comes back inside to the small room, picks up a magazine, and sits down directly in front of us, with the magazine sitting straight up on his lap.  The doors are closed, so it's really awkward and silent in there, so my friend and I are awkwardly flipping through a bunch of magazines.  
     We decide to get up and get another magazine.  We walk back and as I'm sitting down I look over to the guy, who looked about in his late teens and fairly normal, to see what he was doing.  At first I don't believe my eyes, because I'm kind of this little innocent teenage girl, but then I do a doubletake and it's real.  His dick was completely out of his pants, right under the magazine, sitting right in front of me and T.  My heart drops out of my chest. At first I can't think.  The heat leaves my body and I feel so sick and I start to sweat. My heart is pounding out of chest and I think "holy crap. What if he's going to rape us.  What if we get raped." T still hadn't noticed that anything was wrong and was giggling and looking at the magazine.  I don't want to say anything out loud, so I pull out my phone and text her: "We have to get out of here now."
     So we get up and leave, and as we're leaving two ladies walk into the room.  I wonder if they saw what I saw.  

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


What a year.
I wish it was over.
I feel like an adult
trapped in a child's body
but I guess that's what most teenagers feel like

I want to get out of this small school
and figure out what life is about.
I hate being trapped in a bubble.

I'm positive that when I'm 17,
I'm gonna feel the same way I do now.
That's what's always gonna suck about being youngest in your grade.

I realized today that it was all my fault.
I've blamed so much on my life on him
just because I didn't know who else to blame it on.
Silly scapegoat.
I never realized that I was just a young child,
and I should've said no.
It was all my fault,
and I should've accepted this earlier
and maybe he wouldn't have hurt me.

Maybe he knew I would be vulnerable
because I was almost 4 years younger than him,
but maybe I should've matured from this experience
instead of retrogressing into childhood.


I need someone who means everything to me.
Someone I can't live without.
Someone who just gets me,
and doesn't hate me for being a freak/weird

I long to be cuddled with,
and held when I'm sad
because now I cry myself to sleep sometimes
and I wish I had someone to tell.

I dream of being needed by someone
as more than a friend
because I want to feel that special bond,
the magic of true love.

And I won't deny it,
I want to be a princess
and it's about time I find a prince.

Monday, January 17, 2011


cynical |ˈsinikəl|adjectivebelieving that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity
I promise you I didn't mean anything that I said.

Summer Lovin'

I miss the summer.
When every day was carefree
and beautiful.
If only I could bring myself back to my childhood
without homework,
without 5 am practices,
without a job.
Life is happier when it's easier.


I wish I could close my eyes
super tight
and wish
and you would appear
right next to me as if nothing bad
had ever happened.

I hate to say it.
I've lied to everyone
telling people that I've forgotten you
or maybe even moved on.
But I can't lie to my heart.
I miss you.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


I think back and regret what I've done.
Maybe if I'd tried a little harder,
we could have kept in touch.
But I didn't want to force anything.

I always fall for your type.
And you always go to another school,
so I never get to see you enough
to make anything happen.
I just wish you cared enough to pull through.

Gorgeous Pt. III

I promise! that this is going to be my last post of today.
So I went to Pepperdine water polo camp this summer and it was so much fun.
I met this really cool girl, Alex, there
and she's got a really cool camera
and I guess has some pretty photogenic friends
and they take the prettiest pics 
and they kind of remind me of the model-girl-type-people I've been looking at today.
So I thought I'd put up some pics.
(I hope this isn't illegal or something..)

Gorgeous Pt. II

so studying for finals only works so long before my brain starts to fizzle,
so I looked up more model pictures :P
I feel slightly guilty...
but I'm so excited!
I'm going to try to re-do my room
and my style
so it's gonna be fun!

(ps-I'm also jealous of all the beautiful places that these girls get to go to...)


I so wish I was a model.
Or at least had the hair,
the body,
the eyes,
the skin,
the clothes,
the makeup.

So here's my plan/new year's resolution:
I'm going to grow my hair out super long and pretty,
go on a diet (cut down on snack foods=MORE FRUITS AND VEGGIES),
get my eyebrows professionally shaped,
go to a dermatologist (first appointment February!),
sort through my closet and buy new clothes,
Buy better makeup.

Now here are some of my fav pics of girls who are like modely, idk if they're actually models...hehe

And I'm definitely going to keep posting pics of other models etc. as I find ones I like/love.