Sparks

When I was a little girl,
I used to dream of Magical kisses,
soft on your lips,
and so romantic and unreal.

But after the boys I've kissed,
I've always been completely conscious
and aware
of what is going on,
and every little feeling,
every little touch,
every little movement
makes me scared,
sick
worried,
nervous
so much that I become tense and nerve-racked.
This isn't a kiss.

So how do you leave the ground?
How can I possibly lose myself in your soft touch,
when I'm stuck here in reality?

I used to think that I could fall asleep in your eyes,
and would die to be the one you love,
the one who kisses you at night.
But all this ever leads to is emotions,
pouring from my eyes and lips
every night.

When all I wanted was a taste of this life,
I got a whole glass.
There's no going back,
but maybe I just haven't found The One.

Maybe you can only have this Magical kiss with one person.
I've read books about girls falling madly in love
and sparks flying when they kissed.
I guess I just wanted to be like them.

I wish I wasn't so curious
that I wouldn't keep coming back from more
when I know it hurts me every time,
but just the chance that one might be different
keeps me held in a headlock
and I can't ever escape.