Girls Rule

No boy can ever tell you the opposite.

I know how self-centered I must seem right now, but one of the easiest ways to get over a boy is to show yourself how happy and confident you are without him.

I Wasn't Tagged.

So I wasn't tagged in this,
but I saw it and wanted to contribute my ideas.

12 things I like,
1 thing I love,
8 things I hate.

I like dreaming, where the lines between my harsh reality and my soft imaginary world of things-that-should-be blend together.
I like lip gloss and the way it makes my lips feel smooth and soft.
I like sunflowers.
I like running through the grass and mud in my barefeet, feeling it squish between my toes, and climbing up trees with the rough bark on my feet.
I like watching the rain fall down, down, down, and splat on the ground.
I like sitting in bed after a long day and singing to myself.
I like soft snowflakes falling on my hair and nose.
I like showers.
I like curling up next to my dog and knowing that in his world, everything is simple and okay.
I like when it's smoky from the fires and I can pretend I lead some dramatic movie-life in which every day I face the peril of whether or not I will live to see the dawn of the next day.
I like thunder and lightning and the way they make me feel so small in the world.
I like the way it feels to have the ball escape your hand and hurtle towards the cage, with the confidence that you know you've made this goal.

I love the feeling of having someone there to hold me when I need it most.

I hate backstabbers.
I hate it when you barely know someone, they become a great friend for a week, then disappear from your entire life.
I hate being in a crowd and yet feeling alone.
I hate the feeling when you know you're at the bottom, and you can't sink any lower, but somehow you must come up with the strength to get back up and move on.
I hate when you scream and scream and scream and no one can hear.
I hate knowing that I am insignificant in this universe.
I hate how people can not connect with nature any more and destroy all life around them.
I hate waking up every day knowing that out there, somewhere in the world, someone hates me.

Let Me Down (Song) [Chorus]

Here's the chorus of a song I just made up in the shower haha...it's not intentionally awkward I promise.

How does it feel
to know you've let me down
Could've risked it all for
But you didn't want it badly enough
And how does it feel
to know you traded everything
Just to be alone.
Cause I know
It doesn't feel too great.

Faith

I killed four yellow flowers today with no regret.
I picked off every single petal,
and every time it landed on
"he loves you"
but I can't rely on this absurd luck to tell me where to go from here.

I screwed up, so one flower was not enough.
I needed three more, hoping that one would be the oddball,
but every single
stupid
worthless
happy
flower betrayed me.

I know the truth.
I can not deny it.
But I hope every last time that maybe,
something will help me out.
Prove me wrong.

Because inside, I am dying.
I've isolated myself from
all my friends,
all my family,
and all my loved ones,
leaving myself no where to run,
No one to escape to,
and no Solace to wipe the tears off my face,
to hold me when I need to be held,
to talk to me when I need reassurance
that I did the Right Thing:

Leaving him.
I can't do it.
I have to stop thinking about every detail,
Blabbing my life and heart's desires to everyone who walks near me.

I can't control myself
because every little incident
slowly
builds up
and
crashes crashes crashes
down on top of me
one
at
a
time
until I act without thinking,
the Hail Mary
that I resort to
every. single. time.

I've done this act before so often
that it has been embedded in my genes.
It is my Way of Life,
and every day I pray to a God I don't believe in
Hoping that one miracle will save me from
this drowning suicide I've unintentionally forced upon myself.

All I've got left is
Faith.

Just Friends

It's easier than I could've ever imagined.
So I did it,
in effort for me to
A. Grow up
B. Earn a close friend
and
C. Show that I could be like everyone else if I tried.

But really,
this is good.
I like this.
It helps me move on, regain balance, and respect myself.

Thank you for making me happy.