Rip

It's crazy how soon things can change in minutes, hours, and days.


And my god, how I miss you.


I don't even know how to think anymore.


This empty presence inside of me grows larger every day
until I am doubling over in pain on the bathroom floor
screaming,
shouting,
whispering
your name out loud
just so I can hear someone say it again
to know that you're still real.


But I don't want to know that you exist
because that would mean that maybe,
you are ignoring me.
And maybe,
you don't want to hear from me ever again.
And maybe,
you've moved on and maybe you've found someone else and maybe we'll never get to be together and maybe after all this waiting and praying, maybe I've wasted my time and maybe and maybe and maybe-
but I have no clue.


And I would never admit to wanting to keep you
because no one but you understands why
and when no one but you knows who I am,
you can't trust anyone.