Tunnel.

Sorry it's been so long;
I was at Pepperdine water polo camp for 5 days <3
and now I'm at JO qualifiers in Santa Barbara.

But camp taught me something important...

Sometimes people have intentions
and expectations
and believe they know what they are doing
and think they know what will happen.

You can be so sure of something,
so focused,
but even then you can be thrown off path.

Nothing can change destiny,
no matter how hard you plead.
Things happen for a reason,
whether to learn something,
to prove something,
to gain something,
or to lose something,
so make the best of what life throws at you.

I did.
And if I didn't,
I would not be here now.
I wouldn't be sitting in this measly motel room typing on a laptop
waiting for the 16U game to start.
I would be in the 18U game.
Possibly a starter.
That is what I've always wanted, right?
To be the best I can be?
But sometimes life throws a curveball at you
and I had to change.
I realized that I couldn't go on like this
progressing at such a slow rate.

I tried my best but in the end,
I lost my head
but I gained my heart back.
Finally,
another who can complete me
and won't leave me crying soft tears into my pillow at night.
One who wants the best for me,
honestly and truly.
It's not a joke.
Because he is doing everything he can for me.

And maybe at the end of the day,
when my best is not good enough for the team,
it's good enough for him.
And maybe this is what everything has been leading up to.

The future knows that it's better for me to be happy
than for me to be the best.
It knows that I can't take the pressure,
and still come through healthy in the end.

I've never felt this way before.
It's like every other post where I've written my feelings
was only minor compared to the way I feel now.
Because normally,
I head into the darkness blindly,
and stumble
and fall
but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And that's where I meet you.