Clouds

I hate that feeling when you know what you have to do,
and you are just started to grasp the amount of pain you're going to have to go through
in order to reach the finish line.

It's the feeling you get when you realize you're going to pull an all-nighter.
It's the feeling you get when you discover that your 10 page paper is due the next day
It' the feeling you get when you see that you give your 30 minute speech before you go to prom.

It seems as if you can't ever have something good,
without suffering through something else first.

And sometimes,
it's your own fault.

You didn't do you work on time,
you procrastinated until midnight,
or you thought you could cram the night before.

But sometimes,
life decides to dump all this shit on you
and you can't see it,
but suddenly it hits you,
and you think
"Oh."
A very soft, inaudible, "oh."
And you're going to cry.
You know it.
You can't avoid it.
And you do.

I had no clue how tough junior year was going to be,
but now I know.
I understand.
Juggling AP Calculus and AP Biology and AP English
while trying to spend my spare time studying for the ACT and SAT II
and trying to squeeze in 2 hour swim practices and 3 hour water polo practices
is going to take more than a miracle to pull off.

But I'm going to try.

If you can't applaud me for the being the best for everyone else,
applaud me for being the best I can be for myself.

Give Me Everything
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ismxqB163QU

Kitty Purry Round 2

So I haven't made a post about my Katy Perry obsession in a while,
so now I'm gonna make a post devoted to quotes she has said
that I love because I can relate,
or just because I like them.

"Sometimes love is a roller-coaster ride because one person is more obsessed than the other.  And it's hard to meet in the middle."

"I think it's sexier not to give it all away in one night."

"I really do believe that girls should go with their gut, and if there's any sort of yellow light, then check that yellow light.  It should always be green."

"Sometimes girls will be okay with someone and we'll think, This is what I deserve.  This is the best I can get.  And there's kind of this little scratch inside that's like, I don't think so.  You have to listen to that scratch.  You have to really know, beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"Look at the bigger picture and don't ever invest all of your emotions in a guy - you have to save some for yourself."

"I've also sent songs to people when I didn't have the guts to say something.  I would just make a mix and hope that they would fall madly in love with me."

"I don't really feel pretty ever, without makeup.  I feel ugly...He looks beyond all of that, which is such a win, because I've never felt that with anybody.  He's in love with the person on the inside of me, and the outside of me is just a bonus."

Thinking of You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAHRuCAlwg8

Turn

Last night he told me he loves me.
After almost two weeks of being together.

I can't tell if this is moving too fast,
but it felt okay until he said he loves me,
and I realized that I had to say it back.

For some reason it made me sad,
like I didn't want to get too involved
because I know he has to leave for college.

I just find it weird that I've always been the kind of person
that prefers commitment over a hookup,
but now I'm not so sure.

Blue Eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSdYgUtvens

Lights

The last time I had a boyfriend was a while ago,
and I was 14 and he took me too far,
way too fast.
I met him,
and 2 weeks later he kept trying to get me alone so we could make out,
and I hated it.
I hated this so much.
And at the time I was confused because I thought I liked him,
I mean he was very attractive,
so how could I not like him?
But eventually I broke up with him because he kept moving too fast.
I told myself it was because I was just immature,
and he was too old for me.

Boy, was I wrong.
It wasn't me that was wrong with that relationship,
it was him.
I realize now that I could not be myself with him,
I could not be open with him,
I felt like I had to be perfect to be with him,
and I felt like I could not say what I needed to say with him.
I felt completely closed and lost,
and it wasn't because I was immature.
It was because I just didn't like him.

And now I feel bad for leading him on for those three months,
but at the same time I don't because it took me two years to figure it out.

Just Can't Get Enough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUCo7vM-FCk

Raindrops

It took tonight to realize how much I've grown.

It used to be that every time he kissed me,
I shrunk away in fear.
It used to be that every time he put his arm around my waist,
I had no idea what to do.
It used to be that every time he talked,
I just nodded and went along with everything.

But now it's so different.
Who cares if some people don't like who I am,
because he likes me no matter what I do.
Who cares if I laugh my head off,
grab his head
and pull him closer.
Who cares if people are watching
and we act like we're crazy for each other.

Because that's the only way.
That's the only way to be happy.
And right now,
this is as good as it gets.

Boom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epBpVHqLJrQ