Scapegoat

16.
What a year.
I wish it was over.
I feel like an adult
trapped in a child's body
but I guess that's what most teenagers feel like
probably.

I want to get out of this small school
and figure out what life is about.
I hate being trapped in a bubble.

I'm positive that when I'm 17,
I'm gonna feel the same way I do now.
That's what's always gonna suck about being youngest in your grade.

I realized today that it was all my fault.
I've blamed so much on my life on him
just because I didn't know who else to blame it on.
Silly scapegoat.
I never realized that I was just a young child,
and I should've said no.
It was all my fault,
and I should've accepted this earlier
and maybe he wouldn't have hurt me.

Maybe he knew I would be vulnerable
because I was almost 4 years younger than him,
but maybe I should've matured from this experience
instead of retrogressing into childhood.