Step Up

I totally missed my one year anniversary of my blog :(
By 21 days haha

But so much has changed from when I wrote my first entry...
A year ago,
My friends were completely different.
Today,
I know who I can trust.
A year ago,
I thought I had some best guy friends,
Today,
I know that I was never really close to any of them.
A year ago,
I was in love with someone I had never talked to in person.
Today,
I'm not falling in love every chance I get.
A year ago,
he was my Winter Formal date.
Today,
I have the best date I could ever imagine.
A year ago,
I was nervous about whether or not I would make Varsity,
Today,
in this game roster I'm going to be the best player out there
and I need to step up to a leadership role.

Now I realize that I have never done this in my life.
You would've thought that at some point in everyone's life
They were a leader
But today is the first time for me
ever.

Thanks

So I was really stupid at dinner tonight
and kind of forgot to give my own thanks
cause I was too busy shoving mashed potatoes into my mouth.
And I was kind of pissed off,
which I feel bad about,
but I just want to spend a Thanksgiving
for once
with people I truly love and care about and want to be with.

So I thank all my friends,
my family,
my dog,
my teachers,
and the people I've always never cared too much for
who always watched out for me.
And I thank them all
for being there
even when I was not so much there myself
and I was kind of a big hot messy heap of Hannah
(like always...)
but I never take time out to appreciate them.
Well sometimes.
Sometimes I can't forget certain people.

But I'm here to thank everyone who loves me
even when I don't deserve to be loved.

Simba.

I hate this week.
But most of all, I hate this evening.

It started when I pushed myself too hard
sprinting
and puked.
Only to get out of practice 2 hours later,
almost unable to walk.

Then I got a lovely text from a guy
that I used to have a thing with
asking to go to a party with him.
Too bad he texted me back saying he meant to send it to someone else.
Not that I would've gone anyways.
I've got more valuable people in my life.

Then I came home,
only to find that I'm completely alone.

I started to realize this today,
kind of,
but now I realize that my life only revolves around a couple people right now.
And right now they are not here
when I really need someone.

When I don't know what to do,
I turn to my childhood
or go to sleep.

Hello, Lion King.

Sunshine

I don't know why I feel this way around you,
and sleeping on you tonight
made me feel so incredible.
And when you took my hand,
I started to worry
because there is no way that this is right.
But it felt so good so I kept it there holding me.
And my head on your shoulder,
and your head on my head,
and our hands intertwined
made me feel so happy.

I've been told that you've always wanted me,
but I never thought I could ever want you back.

Circle

I don't really know why I'm thinking about this
a week after it happened
but I am.

I want you to know that when they asked us
who we thought was fearless
I didn't say your name
and for some reason this bothers me now.

I know you'll never see this,
but I'll say it just in case you'll know some how.

I wish you knew that I think you are fearless
even when everyone else thinks of somebody else,
but I think of you
because you're like me,
but only a lot better in every way.

I just wish now that I had spoken up
when I had the chance.