Another day, another fight,
Another reason why I wish I wasn't still alive.

Beaters

I remember when I first met you
and you were so shy
and I thought we could be friends
because I could be the cool older person
to show you the ropes.

But now when I look back I see how much you've changed.

How can this girl
who's making out with a random guy
and grinding with him
and wearing slutty clothes
possibly be the same person?

It sure beats me.

Headphones

I feel like there's something I really need to get off my chest,
but I can't figure out what.
But I came here hoping that it would come to me.

Today is a Thinking Day for me
and it's not even important thoughts,
just whatever comes to mind.

It's not like I choose to do this,
the thoughts just kind of interrupt me
with whatever I'm doing.

I think about last night mostly.
About how he didn't come,
but it reassured me and shed light on an old puzzle from the summer.
About how she was in a corner,
and I saw her dressed like that and acting like that with a guy like that.
About how I'm always in my own world after nights like these,
even though nothing happened this time.
About how I can have so many different friends,
but no one takes me seriously.

But maybe you're behind this whole thing
and me
and all of myself
and the only thing I have to do is to listen to you.

Home Boys

I like not having to worry about
the thing that takes up most of my time...

...now everything is falling into place
and I have options
so it makes it easier to focus on what really matters

and I will always have someone backing me up.

Thanks for your support, guys :)

Eat

I hate dealing with these stupid people
who are so full of themselves
and full of crap
and don't even know you.

I wish the world wasn't as insecure
as it is now.

I wish people could actually be themselves
and not care who got which grade on the test
and who is going to the exclusive party this weekend
and who seems like a bigger threat to your reputation
and just throw this bucketload of crap out the window.

I'm so sick of dealing with people who think they're all that
when it doesn't even matter.

10 years from now,
who will care that you had the most money in high school?
who will care that your classmates did worse than you on that one test?
who will care that you got high and drunk every weekend, every chance you got?

I thought becoming older meant that people started making better choices,
and learning the ropes of the real world.
But it seems that everyone else
is stuck in an endless loop;
a vicious cycle with no apparent end.

Beginnings

So this school year has started off pretty weirdly...

I failed my first quiz of the year.

The class I'm most excited for is the hardest class out of all.

My advisee group contains my all time worst enemy and my ex-crush (that did not turn out well).

My all time worst enemy is in 3 of my classes and my ex-crush is in 1.

I may actually be looking forward to (just a little bit...) history, my all time most hated class.

My english teacher is the quintessential cute little grandma...or maybe I think that because I haven't seen her mad yet...

Rocket

So today was the first day of the beginning of the hardest thing that I have done thus far in my life.

And I learned some things.

And I used my newfound bravery to do some things.

And I realized that I'm on the edge of some thing.

Some huge thing
that is bigger than myself
and I'm not quite sure what to do yet,
but I hope that I can keep myself together for when it happens.