Passive

It's all a contest.
But it's secretive.
I know their language,
and they want me to win. They really do.

But it's not fair,
and although she hasn't worked as hard,
spent as much time,
or really wanted it in her heart, mind, and body,
she won.

I wish somebody knew.

Koala Bear Baby

It's funny how I seem to jump onto things,
claw into them with all my might
Fearing that if I don't mold myself onto you
You'll disappear.

It made me a savage animal
With weak emotions and
Strong physical powers.
But that's not what matters.

I tried so hard to grasp onto you
That I didn't realize that if
I just let go,
I wouldn't ever fall because
You would always be there holding me to yourself.

Drugged.

It's that first feeling you get when know something big is going to happen.
When the anticipation races through your veins,
and you can feel it moving,
coursing like a river,
churning your blood until the feeling has moved into your whole body,
controlling every emotion, every thought, and every action.

This feeling moves me.
It's my motivation to stay on track, the force that keeps me going
even when I want to curl up and cry out all my pains.

Now on land, too.
Something happened.
And I know it will turn into something bigger,
but it is completely out of my control.
I feel your arms around my body,
tight
never wanting to let me go.

I love that.

I need you to stay here with me,
be with me,
through everything in my life.

I know you can help me
to escape reality and you always know what is best.
You're so comfortable
I could stay here forever.
Because-

I'm addicted to your trust.

Don't Hold Your Breath

The storm comes closer as she starts to sprint.
It moves into her heart and mind, winning
By forcing, harder, so that she can’t win.
The sound can break the silent swimming.
No longer breathing, but no need to gasp;
A kick to the stomach throws her down under
The water, but she needs to make the pass.
Aware that they can not afford a blunder,
The strength comes suddenly, a lion’s roar
To fight the lightning, and to prove her worth,
She muscles to control the ball and – Score!
It’s the most beautiful sound on this whole earth.
Sometimes it’s hard to fight for what you’ve earned;
The final outcome holds what you deserve.

Who Knew.

I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
Then you came in, and knocked me on my face
Feels like in I'm a race
But I already won first place.

Maybe not love, but there's definitely something there.
Why did I trip so hard?

Reassurance.

It almost never happened.
I did not want you ever to have that much control over me,
So I went anyways.

These things are always boring
at the beginning
Until he found me and it brightened up.

Last night, I did not need you.
I have more trust in him than I ever had in you,
and I needed his hands wrapped in mine to learn it.

I may not ever go back.

Amplify.

You won't know until it happens.
Your blood courses through your body,
Record speeds.
But not the only record we left with...

Everything here on out is the
Icing on the Cake.

Yet completely unexpected.

This feels good.
Reassurance, my solace feels for me.
It reaches out, and I am able to be touched
Even by those that hurt me.

You were proved wrong today.
We all knew there was no surprise.

Colors of Your Love

While I was writing that last song I posted, I came up with another tune in my head and made this song and the vocals in a few minutes. Enjoy, and feel free to leave comments :)


Red roses
Are no comparison for your love
And I could try to say the words to set things right
But I know
Your love is sweeter than lemonade
On a summer's day

I could try to paint the sky
The colors of the flowers
You left for me on my desk.

I've eaten all the healthy
grains of your love
But they're endless.

Red roses
Are no comparison for your love
And I could try to say the words to set things right
But I know
Your love is sweeter than lemonade
On a summer's day

So I carry around a camera
To catch nature's beauty
On a small snapshot to keep.

It comes as no surprise
That you're in every picture
Epitome of how the world should be.

Red roses
Are no comparison for your love
And I could try to say the words to set things right
But I know
Your love is sweeter than lemonade
On a summer's day

I still keep all of your memories
Inside of a trunk
In my room.
But I no longer have the key.

Red roses, red roses.
Red roses, red roses,

Well they never looked better
Than when they're in your light.

Ocean (Song)

SO I haven't written a song in months, so I've started a new one, and you might be able to tell that I've taken parts from different blog posts of mine and used them here. It's not done yet, but a work in progress.

About a month ago
You told me I was the world
The days went by so fast
I could've sworn we were gonna crash
But then you stole my ocean

And time goes on,
People slow down
The kiss of life couldn't bring you back to me

So maybe that's why
In the end I had no tears to cry
I thought you stole my world
But you only took my ocean
And by that time I knew
That I was stronger than that
After everything I forced us through
I guess you could say I loved you
But in the end,
Maybe I never gave a damn.

Nature's power, and
For once the sands of time,
Are ticking on my side
As I try to figure out
Why you stole my ocean

But they keep ticking now,
and people slow down
The kiss of life is never bringing you back to me

So maybe that's why
In the end I had no tears to cry
I thought you stole my world
But you only took my ocean
And by that time I knew
That I was stronger than that
After everything I forced us through
I guess you could say I loved you
But in the end,
Maybe I never gave a damn.

Sometimes, it's hard to let go
But it's always harder to hold on

So maybe that's why
In the end I had no tears to cry
I thought you stole my world
But you only took my ocean
And by that time I knew
That I was stronger than that
After everything I forced us through
I guess you could say I loved you
But in the end,
Maybe I never gave a damn.

Just a Little Thing called Love.

I used to spend every Valentine's Day thinking, "this time, next year, I will have someone to love who loves me back"
and every year, no lucky guy came knocking on my door to sweep me off my feet.
This year was no different.
All my single friends and I counted down the hours we had left to snag a guy to be our valentine's date.

But now I realize, every year I had someone to love who loves me back.
My family.
I came home today to two boxes of chocolates from my mom and dad, a cute handmade card from my sister, and a vase of flowers from my dad.
I started tearing up, being the wuss I am, and now I know what Valentine's Day is about.
You don't need a boyfriend to share your love with; all your family and friends will always be there for you.

Not saying that a vase of roses on my doorstep, or a midnight text saying "Will you be my valentine?" or Taylor Lautner wouldn't be nice, but, you know.
I've got all I need right here.

I love you.

Ocean

You hurt me.
I could feel the pain seeping through my bones.
You stole my breath along the way, but I did not ask for it back until now.
I gave you my blood, the kiss of life, while rushing into it along the way.

But time goes on,
people
slow
down

and maybe thats why, in the end, I had no tears to cry.
I thought you took my world.
But in the end, I knew I was stronger than that.

Maybe I just never really cared.

Cobwebs

One time I had a little girl.
She was my spitting image.
She had a little sister who went swimming,
And dove down far away under the water.

She never came back.

A few years later
She was waiting for me.
The spitting image of her older sister,
But-

This wasn't my little girl;
She had tricked me.

My little girls never came back.

All is Fair in Love and War

Siempre he sido manipuladora.

I hate to face the facts, but it's true. In Love you can get away with anything you like. Practically. Because it usually becomes "love" by that time.

I can get everything I want and use him to get it.
If he's not hot, I tease him and force him to like me, all the while telling everyone else how unfortunate that it is that he likes me.
If he's younger than me, I lead him on as a fun game, until it turns into a sick obsession.
If he's older, hot, smart, and thinks I'm cute, I manipulate him into liking me, then giving him myself in return for all the perks that come with dating the "perfect guy". A seemingly healthy relationship on the surface, but dig deeper and discover that it's a masquerade.

If he's barely older, even hotter, and even smarter, then he changes me.
I'm so used to being in control and getting what I want. But this time, he's strong. Not pathetic. And that makes all the difference. It sounds like a fun game until he shows you what's been missing and how cruel it really is.

It's not myself that changed me.
It's all him.


Thank you. ~

Party On.

"Life is just a party so come as you are"
The wise words of Hannah Montana (or Miley Cyrus...either way they're both sluts)
But really, life is just a party. If you take it too seriously, what's the point of living?
if you don't spend at least a few moments every day to laugh with a friend, or share a smile with someone, then your life might as well be wasted.
Every day, take a moment to stop everything you're doing and ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?"
If you don't have an answer, then maybe consider pursuing a new interest, or find a substantial reason to pursue this task which appears to have no purpose to you.
Also says the phrase, "Never frown, because you never know who may be falling in love with your smile"
So even on days when you're convinced that your life isn't worth living, find something to love and everything changes.



also, I'm going to start a countdown of my progress in life leading up to Valentine's Day, hopefully resulting in something full of love in some type or form.
11 days to go~ talked to a cutie this morning and he made my day :) Had some hotties come to my water polo game, and last night I hung out with an awesome guy friend.