Beautiful Disaster

They say Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder,
but how far can you go apart before the Fond dies?

They say Love Heals Everything,
but how much can you depend on Love before it destroys you?

Here's what I think:
Distance ruins Everything in the long-term,
and Love only heals if you are one in a million.

The Withering of the Rose

I can feel that something has changed, but take a breath, release the pain, and let it go.

Fever

I did it.
I can't believe it actually happened: when I think back on what that night was like, it seems as if it was only a dream.
The best night of my life and he agrees.
Why couldn't it have lasted longer? I can only wish for that.
Why couldn't our goodbye hug have lingered a while more? I can only dream for that.
These small lines I've written have taken so long because everytime I stop to think about what I need to say, no words come.
Only my emotions come flooding back mixed with this fever I'm feeling now.
That's what he must have given me. I'm not under his spell, nor has he given me a disease. I have caught his fever instead.
I have never felt so comfortable with anyone before, even though our encounter should have been awkward.
At first, being with him sent me chills, the first symptom.
After dancing a while things grew warmer and warmer until I was burning from him.
Even at the end when I couldn't breathe when we hugged, I didn't know I had caught it until it was too late.

This is the best sickness I have ever had.

Starter

Breathe easily.
If I don't, I will faint.
This is the moment.
Take in the glory, soak up every drop.
I have earned this.
No matter how sick I feel,
No matter how much I want to scream,
No matter how much they shoot daggers with their eyes,
My people love me.
They need me.
My heart races with anticipation.
He looks at me.
He looks at her.
Whistle blows.
Ready go.

Success!

The dance is in one week! I'm so excited! I have my dress now: it's hot pink with a black bow and strapless and it's pretty short! haha but he won't mind... ;)
I know he's coming for sure because he wrote on my wall on facebook asking for all the info and everything!
Unfortunately, I haven't talked to him since Tuesday! (so it's been 4 days! haha that's a lot for us)

Better news...I'M ON VARSITY WATER POLO!
as a sophomore, that's a pretty big deal! I'm just so excited!!!!!!!!!
But the problem is, is that I found out on Wednesday and I haven't been able to tell him, but he supports me and I really want him to know!

Also, about how he wrote on my wall, his water polo friend also commented on it saying "awww :) hahaha"
I wonder if he told his friend about me ;)
just curious...

Tux

His sister told me that he FINALLY asked his parents! :D
He said "Hey mom, (my name) asked me to a formal" and apparently his mom was all happy (you know, like cute aww-my-little-boy-just-got-asked-to-his-first-formal kind of gushiness which guys hate). then he said, "so, I might need a tux" but that's all she told me.
Another small detail: I don't even know if he has to wear a tux but shh! (all guys automatically look 50 times hotter in a tux!)

I can't believe he's probably coming!!! For real! it's a dream come true!
He still hasn't told me yet that he's coming, and I don't know how long he'll wait before he does.
But honestly, who cares???!?! I'm just so excited!

The Lion and the Lamb

He STILL hasn't asked his parents so I talked to his sister and she gave me advice. She told me the proverb about the lion and lamb in latin. It basically says that the lion must pounce and make its move on the innocent lamb or it will never get to eat. She told me this because she wants me to be the lion and "pounce" on her brother or else we may never talk again. However, she also told me that I should wait to pounce until he has said that he can go. This is Plan A. If he can't, I will just take things easy and let him do the pouncing because I've already risked enough. This is Plan B, which I never want to have to resort to.

Fortitude

I did it! I asked him and he said yes :)
Prince Charming, here I come. <3
Magical Fairytale, watch out.
Because I am going to crush all love stereotypes.

Winter Wonderland

They announced winter formal on Monday!!!
eeeeep
I want to ask him...but at the same time it might ruin everything...should I go for it?
I'm so scared of his response
What if it's awkward for him?
He doesn't know any of my friends, but he does know people who go to my school...
Maybe he doesn't even want to go to a dance, afterall he's never been to one before and maybe he'll be awkward
maybe he'll lie and say he's busy that weekend...

or possibly...
HE
MIGHT
JUST
LOVE
IT

Heart

EVELOVE
VELOVEL
OLOVELO
LOVELOV

Last Chance

So here goes.
The last move.
Queen takes King.
Game over.


The last night for weeks,
and that dream last night MUST have meant something,
a good hint,
sly implication,
straight-up imperfection,
but under the mask,
B
E
A
U
T
I
F
U
L

Stalking Isn't a Form of Flattery

so there's this creepy guy at my school who's 2 years older than me and he randomly started hitting on me last night through text and then proceeded to call me to "confess his feelings" and "show me true passion so I'll be begging for more :P" WHAT THE FUCK this guy is sooo scary and delusional and I am so traumatized now. So I'm at school now and I'm trying to avoid him, luckily he doesn't have the same free period as me right now. If he asks me to winter formal, I may die.

On a happier note, I'm talking to my manly man right now :)
I was talking about my stalker and he was agreeing that he is creepy and even called him a "dumbass". He said not to worry about this guy, and that if he asks me to winter formal that I should say "no".

:)

Off to a slow, but progressing, start

So I got my computer back, and I didn't talk to him tonight. grrrr. But there was a slight step upwards...last night he commented on one of my statuses, and although there were a ton of girls in the jacuzzi he still came in with a few boys, but they were all at least 3 years younger than him so he must've had some other motivation (ahem...me?...). Also, he was looking at me and when I turned around we met eyes and he had the HOTTEST look on his face. ever. i cant even describe it. he is just soooo gorgeous.


sigh.

Access Denied

so basically...I was really upset last night because I couldnt get any sleep in like a month so my mom said it was because of my computer and then she took it away from me. I dunno when I'll get it back, hopefully soon, so I'm writing to you, my trusty followers (if there are any), from a school laptop.
I'm on AIM right now and because it's 9:02 am no one is online, except for my lucky homeschooled crush.
Unfortunately I failed the last two days in the jacuzzi; therefore I must resort to Plan B. If I even knew what that was.
Hmm...I think what I'll do is I'll be the first girl in the jacuzzi, and I'll sit right next to him to begin with and I'll say "hey (insert name here)!" and then we'll see where it goes from there ;)
Well I havta go to my homework (that's due today...stupid english class) but I'll keep posting as often as I can to tell you how it goes.

This Heartache (Numb)

This one's a work in progress so feel free to criticize! :)

its about the guy i like now...and i dont know how he feels about me back

You feel so great when he talks to you

Floating on a cloud higher than high

But as soon as he goes away

The feeling starts to fade

As you realize it’s not all you thought it was

And how could I

Interpret something so wrong

Wanted it so badly

That I completely fooled myself

And you wonder why you’re the one

Without a response

He’s left you out in the cold

And you’re turning numb

When the rain starts to pour

You’re not feeling anything anymore

He can’t ever see how he’s treated you

Til’ you’re empty and done

But the heartache’s just begun

You’re never sure just how he feels

Because he never opens up to you

And this pain you know is cold like never before

You’re in front of him so why can’t he see you?

Blind as night with another girl in sight

You can tell he’s a flirt

But you still want to believe

That you’re always on his mind

But this agony’s overwhelming

And you wonder why you’re the one

Without a response

He’s left you out in the cold

And you’re turning numb

When the rain starts to pour

You’re not feeling anything anymore

He can’t ever see how he’s treated you

Til’ you’re empty and done

But the heartache’s just begun

These reasons rush you, rush you

And emotions push you, push you

Farther til’ the goals out of sight

You need to make it

Before she breaks him away from you

And you wonder why you’re the one

Without a response

He’s left you out in the cold

And you’re turning numb

When the rain starts to pour

You’re not feeling anything anymore

He can’t ever see how he’s treated you

Til’ you’re empty and done

But the heartache’s just begun

Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night

I wish.

It better.

I'm gonna talk to him.

Tonight.

After Practice.

In the jacuzzi.

Wish

Me

Luck

<3

THISIT

hello world.

This whole type of scene is new for me.

But I'm excited.

I probably should give you all the low-down on what I'm doing here, what I'm writing about, my "purpose", but I'm here to find out my purpose.

This blog will help me escape my reality, or at least fix it somewhat. hopefully.

a few things you MIGHT want to know about me:

~my "d" key is half-broken so pardon my typing.

~I'm not homeschooled, but the guy I like is (homeschooling is not lame. really.)

~I'm looking for advice and help!! anyone holler if you've gone through these same situations or have experience you are willing to share

~I am addicted to water. drinking it, swimming in it, i play water polo.

~I write songs! and if you're following this, you lucky ducks are gonna be the first people to edit and critique my work.

wellll...I'll probably post more tonight...after practice...but right now I'll post some songs to start you off with