Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Open Window

So I finally got the nerve to talk to him
about his issues.
But I failed...

Here's what the conversation should have been like:

Me:  Look, I'm really sorry and I'm not trying to be mean, but it's been bothering me lately how everything you do is for attention.  And I've been going along with it, and giving you this attention.  We used to have so much space, until you decided to become friends with all of my friends, and you love this attention from girls.  I feel like everything you do is to generate a response from some person or another.  You also need to know the difference in the way you act around girls you like and girls you are just friends with. And you've told me a million times that you'll never like anyone, so I don't understand why you flirt with everyone and get so touchy feely! And you're so gross! You are so unhygienic and it disgusts me so much. I can't stand it.  Sometimes, I just get so sick of the way you act and smell and stuff your face with food that I struggle with myself not to punch you.  Right now, I want to punch you so hard, and make it hurt.

Him: What?!?!? You are fucking insane.  How could you even dare to say anything like that? I've always been there for you. You don't even understand what I've been through.  How would you feel if your dad died 3 years ago? Huh?

Me: It doesn't matter. You are who you are. And you have been there for me, but you're completely bipolar.  One second you're too nice and being all flirty and I HATE it, and the next second you're telling me all the stuff you hate about me.  Which I don't appreciate.  And you lie. When I ask for your opinion on a guy I like, you always say he's not my type.  Even when my friends think he's awesome.  I've heard you're jealous because you like me, but it doesn't matter. You should never lie because you were supposed to be my friend, and always tell the truth.  But for the last few months, every thing you do is BS. I hate how you do your homework the day it's do, or complete an essay the day of.  You're the biggest slacker I know, and I used to hate how you threw your life away, but now I don't care.  Do whatever you want. You deserve all the shit that you'll get in the future.

Him: You have no authority over me.  I'm so strong I could knock you dead if I wanted to.  You can't even say this to me, because I always win.  You know you're harmless.

Me: No I'm not. I've hurt you once, and I have more strength than you realize.

Him: Prove it.

(I punch him in the gut, and he kneels over, but then gets up and hits me so hard in the face.  I fall to the ground unconscious, with my nose broken and bleeding.  It just so happens that a really hot guy walks over at this moment, cusses out the other guy, and proceeds to pick me up and carry me to a safe place and watch over me until I heal.)

However, this is nothing like how it actually happened.

Me: I, um, need to talk to you about something.  Something serious.  So don't laugh.

Him: Okay, go ahead. I'm here for you.

Me: Well, uh, well, hmm, I think, that maybe, we just need to have a little more space.  I mean, uh, I don't know how to say this.  A lot of people think, um, that, uh, well, you're a little, hmm, I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say! Argh.

Him: Okay, well if that's all you wanted to say, then what I got from this is that you want some space.

Me: Uh, yeah, I guess. Yeah, sure.

Him: Okay well thanks for telling me that :) I appreciate it. (like completely positive happiness)


I am so bad at handling my friendship with him.  It's almost like being in a relationship with a 13 year old.  He's so immature and gross and like a little boy.  He expects me to think that he's my world, but at the same time he just wants to be friends, but I also feel like I have to take care of him because he doesn't take care of himself.

I just have this feeling where I have the need to fix people's lives.  It's because of my OCD of fixing and cleaning things.  When things are messy or dirty or broken, I have to fix the problem.  I guess this is now affecting how I deal with people.  I know it's not my problem, but I can't avoid this instinct.

No Love

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel girl: